CUFF LINK IN LONDON

By B. Bruce Wolf

Battered raincoat, crumpled hat

Triple "E" shoes, short and fat

Leaves an impression wherever he's sat

Never Spent time at a laundrymat

Wife and children, white black cat

Bronx apartment, friendly rat.

 

          Twenty years ago, Cuff Link opened an office in the Bowery district of New York City. He was young and inexperienced, but was determined to become a private detective. After years of blundering and ineptitude, Cuff decided to pack it in and move to the home of his childhood detective heroes. Upon moving to London, England, things were not looking up until...

 

The call came 'round Teatime

With Cuff amidst a nap.

Fumbling the telephone he listened to the chap

Mutter something of a crooked scheme

That he wants on Cuff Link's lap.

At first he thought it but a dream, until he felt his 

      slap.

 

Scotland Yard was surely lost.

Sherlock out of town.

The Saint was indisposed,

No Avengers to be found.

Cuff Link was the last resort.

Knowing this he frowned,

"I'm as good as all of them?"

He shuddered at the sound.

 

A Crown Jewel caper as always,

The only British crime

That Limeys ever take time for

For fear of lost Tea Time.

The Guard were drunk or on the take,

The velvet soaked with wine.

They became the suspects;

An accident? Or design?

 

Cuff had eyed the record books

None had needed the dough

The Crown Jewels were unpawnable

Or they would surely show.

A conspiracy, he thought a joke

The Yard would not impose

They didn't have a motive

But Cuff's curiosity rose.

 

He checked the kingdom IRS happy to report

That Scotland Yard was audited, with money ever 

      short

The agency was going broke and needed to resort

To selling off the Crown Jewels to some waiting 

      foreign port.

 

Another case was cracked and solved,

The Yard investigated,

The Jewels recovered at the pier

Cuff for his fee now waited

The check came in the morning mail

And with that check he fainted

They'd taxed way ninety percent

With an audit indicated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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